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[25 Sep 2008|05:08am] |
he said.
"no. don't ask. let's keep it a mystery."
so tonight.
all my straight friends went out to a straight bar.
and when it looked like everyone was all coupled up.
i said.
"hey. the gay bar is two blocks away."
the gay bar that chris and i frequent,
the gay bar i accidentally intentionally bump into jeffrey.
and they agree to go for me.
and you know who i accidentally intentionally bump into?
jeffrey.
so we talk all night.
and all my straight friends leave.
so i ask jeffrey if i could walk him home.
and he said "ok. but that doesn't mean that i'm inviting you up."
which kind of baffles me.
because you dont really say things like that.
unless you're not really into the guy.
so as we were walking home.
i say.
"hey, i need to ask you a question."
and he goes.
"no. don't ask it. why can't we keep things a mystery?"
so i don't ask it.
and things are still a mystery.
and now i'm home listening to the new jenny lewis record.
confused.
and drunk.
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[19 Sep 2008|12:19pm] |
so it would've been a perfect thursday.
but before we get to it.
rewindrewindrewind two days before.
tuesday.
karaoke night with christopher.
alfie has learned to become normal when intoxicated.
probably because chris' friend jeffrey has been staring at him all night.
now we've been introduced before when chris and i started dating.
but we just never really talked.
i dunno what came over him but he just came over and started a conversation.
sample.
Jeffrey - "you're filipino, right? teach me something in filipino."
Alfie - "like curse words?"
Jefrrey grabs a napkin and a pen - "i'm going to ohio this weekend for my filipino friends wedding. write something down. something that describes tonight."
Alfie writes this in filipino: "i'm having a really good time tonight. probably because i finally get to talk to you. keep in touch."
Jeffrey - "what does it mean?"
Alfie writes down his number on the back of the note - "when you go to ohio and figure it out. call me."
i told chris about this.
and he got really possessive and touchyfeely with me after. hmm.
nownownow.
thursday. 1 AM in the morning.
Alfie cyberstalks Jeffrey on myspace.
and we start chatting til 5 am.
sample.
justbalarama
Tell me, what's your overall opinion of me thus far?
dieheartbreaker
intriguing. smart. has the ability to make people smile.
dieheartbreaker
thus far.
justbalarama
is that all?
dieheartbreaker
many more.
justbalarama
do spill.
dieheartbreaker
give me some of my assessments first.
justbalarama
You ask the questions. I'll answer.
dieheartbreaker
will you be freaked out if i told you i find you quite attractive and adroable?
justbalarama
No, I'd be thankful.
justbalarama
Would you be freaked out if I said that I knew you found me attractive and
adorable?
dieheartbreaker
no but i would wonder what gave it away?
justbalarama
No one thing.
justbalarama
It was just evident to someone who pays attention.
justbalarama
I'm attracted to you as well.
justbalarama
You felt it too.
dieheartbreaker
i did.
dieheartbreaker
but i didn't want to jump to conclusions.
justbalarama
It was obvious.
justbalarama
We have some sort of connection.
dieheartbreaker
we do.
dieheartbreaker
would love to explore it further.
justbalarama
How so?
dieheartbreaker
talk frequently? for one?
dieheartbreaker
maybe hang out later?
justbalarama
we're well on our way to doing that stuff.
dieheartbreaker
and you have my number. on a napkin.
justbalarama
I do.
i had a test that day.
i failed it.
but you know what?
who the fuck cares.
because later that day.
i became a store manager.
and laterlater that day.
i went so see bloc party with amy again.
for free.
it would've been the perfect thursday.
until i sent jeffrey an email saying.
"wish you were online tonight. had an amazing day. wanted to talk to someone about it."
and he read it.
and didn't reply.
and sometimes lonely hearts? they just get lonelier.
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[19 Sep 2008|02:41am] |
y'all don't know this.
but you're talking to an express store manager.
btw.
guess who just got a promotion.
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[16 Sep 2008|12:15am] |
here's to another guy.
that i really liked.
that's gonna be nothing more than a one night stand.
because i can never keep my legs shut.
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[11 Sep 2008|01:04am] |
i met jenny lewis the other day.
and i thought my life would be complete.
but here i am again.
stoned and lonely.
and acid tongue still gives me chills.
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[04 Sep 2008|02:15am] |
i broke my lighter today.
at 1:45 in the morning.
and instead of letting it go.
i got dressed and walked to the deli.
to buy a new one.
so i could smoke the rest of the bowl i packed.
that is called dedication.
it is also called being fucking hardcore.
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| he said he didn't mind biking me home. |
[21 Aug 2008|12:29am] |
even though it was already 1:30 am.
it was only an 8-minute bike ride anyway.
he didn't know it was an uphill ride.
when we get to my front door.
he kisses me.
"i'm not allowed to come in," he says.
"but i want you to," i say.
he said he would only be ten minutes.
even though it was already 1:58.
and he had to be up for work early the next day.
he didn't know how good kissing me would feel.
i didn't know how good kissing him would feel.
he kisses me one more time.
"gotta go."
we didn't have sex.
i walk him out.
watch him bike off.
watch him turn around and wink.
i stand there for a while.
hating myself.
because i really like this guy.
but i still wish he was you.
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| ten. :) ten. :) |
[18 Aug 2008|09:01pm] |
so i saw number ten again on saturday.
his name is jonny.
and i gotta tell you i like him a lot.
i slept over his place.
then we went to brunch the next day.
then we biked around the neighborhood.
went to the flea market.
this story gets interesting i promise.
now jonny's the kind of guy who haggles at the the flea market.
and he talks to EVERYONE.
about EVERYTHING.
it's kinda cute.
he knows a lot about antiques because he used to work for the prop department at martha stewart.
anyway.
sidebar.
remember number seven? the first guy i fucked after chris and i broke up?
well...
jonny went to this one jewelry stand and was talking to the merchant.
guess who the merchant was?
number seven.
he totally knew it was me.
and i totally played it off like i didn't recognize him.
but jonny just kept talking and talking to this guy.
and it was getting really awkward.
so i walked away to the next booth.
the next thing i know.
jonny comes up behind me.
and whispers:
"i adore you."
turns me around.
and kisses me.
he just made my knees weak right there.
when we get home he confesses to me that he was 40.
and i almost died.
seriously tho.
hal sparks' character on queer as folk was in his late 20's when he was dating the doctor who was in his late 40's in season one.
and they were really good for each other.
the doctor took care of him.
took him to paris.
let him move in.
gave him great sex.
it should not bother me that number ten is 40.
because he is sexy.
and gives me amazing sex.
and he makes my knees weak.
so yea.
christopher suck on that.
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| nine. ten. |
[15 Aug 2008|03:57am] |
fuck i'm a slut.
tuesday.
nine happened.
nine had a cadillac.
he picked me up.
we had a couple of beers.
we were cuddling and watching ab-fab.
we made out.
we fucked.
we watched some more ab-fab.
he dropped me off.
today i had dinner with christopher.
and i feel really bad for him because he is in such a low place right now.
and i still love him.
but seriously.
dude broke my heart.
i can't feel guilty for being a slut.
and for double booking.
right after our dinner.
number ten happened.
oh god.
number ten.
best sex.
EVER.
EVER.
EVER.
remember my fantasy?
the one where i get lifted up?
picked up?
onto the sink?
where i hang onto the faucet?
well i got picked up.
from the bed.
to the counter.
to the sink.
and we kissed.
and kissed.
and kissed.
and he dropped me off my place after a long long cuddle and make out session.
we both biked.
together.
at 3 am.
with the sex afterglow.
the best part is.
he locked down a second date.
so i'm all glow-y right now.
even sluts get all glow-y.
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| eight. |
[11 Aug 2008|10:37am] |
last night.
alfie just had the most amazing sex.
EVER.
EVER.
EVER.
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[08 Aug 2008|02:00am] |
this is gonna be a random annoying post with random annoying and gratuitous descriptions of gay sex.
chris and i broke up on sunday.
on thursday we went to see wolf parade together and i was a wreck.
so i went and fucked someone else on friday.
just some random nameless guy who could possibly have given me the greatest sex i've had in a while.
but seeing how my ex-boyfriend hasn't fucked me in forever- i was not "prepared" enough for some hardcore sweaty asspounding.
weirdest thing.
after we did it, i showered. when i got out of the shower- my clothes were neatly laid out on the bed.
underwear.
pants.
shorts.
it was so weird i felt like i was gonna get chased with a chainsaw and get fucking murdered.
yesterday- i went to see bloc party.
randomly because sue managed to score us free tickets.
BEST FUCKING SHOW this year.
today i went on a date with a guy who was 6'5.
seriously. im 5'4. it looked like a scene from "my giant."
i wasnt really attracted to the guy.
but at least im going out there again, huh?
when i got home tho, i got a message from christopher saying:
"was just wondering if u were comfortable to start chatting again. I know u need time and i respect that. I miss hearing from you."
and all i wanna do is cuss him out.
coz he's being a selfish fucking bastard.
WHY DOESNT HE WANT ME BACK?
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[02 Aug 2008|04:40am] |
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seven.
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[28 Jul 2008|11:15am] |
chris broke up with me.
and i'm finding it really hard to see the silver lining in this.
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[23 Jul 2008|06:27pm] |
you know what i just realized after being home for a couple of days and spending endless endless hours in front of the tv?
denise richards is one un-classy, un-sophisticated bitch.
that girl is white trash.
and you know what, denise?
it ain't that complicated!
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[17 Jul 2008|06:55am] |
remember when i called my dealer for the first time and he shows up 20 minutes later with an attache case full of pot cases?
well i call him again.
and i didn't even have to say anything.
this is how it went:
*ring. ring.
dealer: i'll send him over.
me: wha- ? oh - you don't need my- oh. cool. thank you.
dealer: you're welcome.
verbatim.
it was amazing.
gotta love that new york service.
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[09 Jun 2008|10:08pm] |
i have come to a conclusion.
that spam consists entirely of salt.
and ground up leftover meat particles.
today.
my roommate asked if i wanted to smoke.
and i never pass up free weed.
but when i entered his room.
there were 2 other black guys.
and a little black girl.
she was probably eight.
i found it mortifying.
and sad.
for three grown black men.
and a fourth grown asian man.
to smoke weed in front of an eight year old.
i wanted to bolt.
but i never pass up free weed.
i felt sick after.
i have also come to realize that i am a pothead.
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[01 Jun 2008|11:42pm] |
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you know you're gay when you jump up and down with glee when you discover that your can of hairspray is in your duffel bag all along and not in your parents' bathroom in new jersey like you thought.
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[07 May 2008|12:06am] |
christopher's sister told me that she has never seen chris look at anyone the same way he's looked at me.
i am only updating because i have a paper to write and i've done everything imaginable to put it off including clean the bathroom and cook and watch 4 episodes of friends.
so anyway.
chris and i talked last night.
he got kinda teary eyed.
and basically said that life for him was pretty much screwed.
until there was me.
the weirdest thing is.
i've seen the way chris looks at me.
and it's scary to know that this time.
i could be the one who'd end up hurting him.
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[28 Apr 2008|12:14am] |
spring break is over.
can i hit rewind?
sunday: 4/20
monday: recovering from 4/20
tuesday: went to see destroyer.
wednesday: went to see tokyo police club.
thursday: met chris' sister/allison came/foals!
friday: chris' barbecuepartything
saturday: chris' afterbarbecuepartything.
sunday: recovering from friday and saturday.
seriously.
every week needs to be like this week.
i can't decide which kindaesoteric word/phrase can describe this weekend:
"blake incarcerated!"
"samantha ronson!"
"ENGLAND!"
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